How do you write a blog on a magician? Well. Here goes.
This was Dave’s third end of year talk to us in succession, (which speaks for itself), putting us well and truly in the holiday mood, with another, and different, entertaining performance of magic, comedy and music.
As a Jeremy Corbyn look-alike, he started with some magic involving cards, money and sleight of hand. Awesome!
Max Miller songs and jokes followed :-
– The boy who was told to stop biting his nails, or else he would get fat. He met a pregnant lady and stared at her, and she said ‘What’s the matter with you?’. He replied ‘Nothing, but I know what you’ve been up to!’
– He was on Countdown once with the girl in the short skirt, who has taken over from Carol Vorderman. He got excited – a seven letter word.
The sum of the numbers in three of the members birth dates didn’t quite tally with Dave’s prediction, but he said he didn’t want to appear too professional! We should have low expectations, then we would enjoy it.
There were Charlie Chester songs, ‘Rainy Day’ and ‘Down in the Jungle’ and reminiscing over Ken Dodd, Chic Murray and Bob Monkhouse :-
- A man with a long stick walked into a pub and the barman said ‘Are you a pole vaulter?’ He replied ‘ No I’m German, but how did you know my name was Walter?
- A man bought a talking dog. He took it into a pub and wagered the barman that he could talk, but the man couldn’t get the dog to talk, so he lost his money. When the man took the dog outside, he said ‘Why didn’t you say something?’ The dog replied ‘Just think how much more we will make when we go back inside tomorrow and take bets’
- We’ve just had the 2 worst winters on record – Mike and Bernie!
- A Chinese cook made a man an omelette. When he asked him how it was, he said ‘It’s rubbery’. The Chinese cook replied ‘Thank you very much, I’m glad you liked it’
- What’s the difference between a Chiropodist and a Drummer? Can you remember? I can’t read my notes as I was laughing too much!
- During WW2 a couple were in bed when the air raid siren went. He couldn’t find his teeth, to which his wife said ‘We’re dodging bombs not eating pies’
- A recruit for the army was having his medical, and the Doctor said ‘You’re not very well endowed’ to which he said ‘I thought we were only supposed to be fighting the Germans’.
Comedians have anything, including nuts and bolts, thrown at them, if they are not being well received. And who goes to the trouble to take a dead cat to a show, to throw at the entertainer? However, they can retaliate with put downs :-
- 2 rather large ladies heckling in the front row, to which Dave said ‘When is Cinderella coming?’
- To another large lady giving him some grief he said ‘I know it’s rude to ask a lady her age, so how much do you weigh?’
- Once he saw a lady crying her eyes out at his performance, so Dave said ‘Madam, I’m glad you are moved by my act’, to which she replied ‘Why don’t you…………!’
- Dave had a mince pie once directly in the face. He thought ‘Either they are getting more accurate, or I’m getting slower’.
- After a rousing couple of songs accompanying himself on the guitar, a lady was crying in the front row. He said ‘I’m glad you enjoyed that’. She said ‘I didn’t. I’m a musician’.
Dave involved some unsuspecting Probus members, seemingly destroying their £20 note, bamboozling them with sleight of hand, and getting Graham to blow a bazooka! You should take it up professionally Graham! Only joking.
Some double-entendres were sprinkled in amongst the humour, magic and singing. I didn’t get any of them!?*
A very entertaining morning, which sent us home smiling.